Added: Harvey Reda - Date: 29.10.2021 03:51 - Views: 43103 - Clicks: 5817
First, thank you Simon Foundation for allowing voices to be heard on what has been past stigmatized and silenced. I am a woman in my thirties who has struggled with incontinence my whole life. I hid my condition for a long time, because I had learned to feel shame and guilt and act in denial. AsI wore diapers day and night almost into school years.
I had gained control over my bowels, but not my bladder. I thought I was really a bad kid, making my Mom change me and wash all those cloth diapers. It is bad to wet yourself. I was very sad and very confused. I decided that if I wanted my parents to be positive about me and if I wanted friends to be around me, I had better stop wetting myself.
If I continued to wear diapers Incontinent girl diapers would be sent to another school and could not attend the same school as my brother. I was determined not to wear diapers to school, but I lived with constant and terrible anxiety.
I remember trying to hide wet clothes, and hoping they would dry before anyone noticed. I remember trying not to drink too much, and rushing down the hallway several times a day at school to get to the bathroom, having to clean up and return to class before the next urge struck.
I made futile attempts to help myself by stuffing wadded toilet paper in my underwear. He threatened that I would be put back in diapers, if I did not co-operate and stop wetting myself. I would try not to fall asleep in the car because I might wake to a wet seat. In all this, the family doctor simply said I would outgrow the condition. As a teen, I did not socialize often outside of school and so stayed home to avoid accidents. I started mapping out how far and how much time I might have until I had to go again.
I only went out if I absolutely had to, and if I knew there was a toilet in reach. I took to sewing up some of my own invented protection to avoid suspicion. For my early adulthood, I treated incontinence with further denial. Although I was living an independent life, I did not take good care of myself and looked to self-blame and self-loathing amongst other negative tactics.
I did not seek help and my undergraduate university degree took a long time to complete. In those days, there were all kinds of justifications and excuses made for absences in class and unfinished asments.
I was frequently depressed. I have sought information and medical attention for my condition and try to integrate my confused early life into the present. I continue to come to terms with the difficulties of an earlier life. I am pleased to say, I have a very loving and understanding husband and I travel and enjoy life as freely as I can.
I am healthy and I continue to learn how to treat myself with the kindness and care that I know I deserve. Yet, I know it is very easy to slip into old-habits that have been formed by a lifetime of silent coping.
The wearing of a diaper now is for me an informed decision to choose a non-medicinal and non-surgical form of treatment.
I receive reassurances from my husband that all is well, that I am okay and I am loved. Yes, I am more than okay. It has taken a lot of courage to write this. In fact I have written my story several times over the years to the Simon Foundation, but never sent it. These days, I am active in graduate school, and parallel to that work, as I journey forward, I hope that by sharing my story it may give support, insight and openness offering a voice of understanding to others who may struggle and feel alone with incontinence, a condition that is often hidden and unfairly regarded. Posted in Shared Stories from People with Incontinence and tagged anxietybedwettingdepressionenuresisguiltsexual abuseshamestigmaurinary incontinence.
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